from objects to introspection

Well it took me long enough! I was definetely not going to have a blog, I could neve picture people that I'd actually like to talk to having a blog. It seems like so much exposure. I'm not really the kind who likes to see her life, her thoughts, her SOUL posted, I guess I'm too jealous.
But so I've heard that it does you no good to bottle things up, so I'm just gonna use this as my paperbag (It is an anonymous blog after all); I just love the idea of screaming all the shit that I have to say into one, but I'm at work right now (best job ever, right now I have nothing to do) and the people in the phsychology clinic on the same floor would come here. I can't organise my thoughts, ever. That's a major problem when I'm talking or writing. But since this writing is sort of a "relief gadget" for myself, the hell with anyone who might come across this blog someday (when I'm writing for college I swear that I make the assignments organised, ok?). Kidding. I must admit that it would be lovely to see that someone out there identifies with what I say. Do you ever feel like no one could understand what goes on inside? Do you not even have words in your language to describe what you're feeling?
Today I felt something I can't really explain. I moved to the city I'm living at about six months ago. I used to live in my parents' house but I came to this city because of the university over here. The family I live with is great, they are in three now, my girlfriend and her parents. I was with her dad, let's call him Jacob, in the car and we were "small talking". I'm great at that with strangers, but I just hate it when someone I actually know talks to me about the weather, it depresses me. At that time though, we weren't talking about the weather, phew. I don't remember what we were talking about, that wasn't the most important thing really. What troubled me was the fact that he wasn't really LISTENING to me. He'd ask me a question, I'd start answering and then he'd interrupt me or listen a little bit and talk about himself. I realized that he didn't care, and that depressed me. I could identify myself with Holden Caulfield (The Catcher in the Rye) right then.
It was such a silly attitude of Jacob, but I instantly felt depressed. I'm not gonna kill myself or anything, but it was sad to see that if I were silent it would mean just the same to him. I'd rather have someone's silence than their half attention. When I say attention I mean real attention. Not the school kind, when you pay attention because you have to. I love listening to people and sharing a moment with him/her. And I think everyone else that I care about should love it too.